1 Drop at a Time

Happy Thanksgiving and I hope the beginnings of the Christmas season are full of cheer. I love the days after Thanksgiving. Everything seems a bit tamer, all the food has been cooked and dishes washed, I hope.  I am happy to say that this year, I did not cry at the idea of Thanksgiving. I have past Meagan to thank for that. All the hours of research into food options and carb counting and crying in frustration were already had. This year, I simply pulled up my recipes and cooked away. Sure, it will never be exactly how it was, but nothing in life is. Every year there will be something just a little different, but this year I wasn't sad.  It still amazes me how some things that seem so simple, so mundane, are what I morn the most. This Thanksgiving, I had a few lows and a couple highs but the moment that blood sugar went above my yellow line, I grabbed the pups and the boys graciously obliged and we power walked the neighborhood like there was no tomorrow. The sun never felt so good

Today was our first, JDRF walk. It was so surreal to be in a crowd of people and not have a clue who had T1D and who was there for support. The occasional pump tubing peaked from a shirt or a Pod could be seen, but your guess was as good as mine. I was nervous this morning, but when we picked up our friends and got to the event, my heart was filled with gratitude. It takes a village to manage a chronic illness. It was beyond humbling to have parts of my village around me, whether it be in person or in spirit, all walking in the same direction. So from the bottom of my heart, to my family for loving me unconditionally and supporting this cause, to my friends that were able to come, the friends who sent me loving vibes and the new friends I made today, thank you. You all bring so much joy and laughter to my life, especially on the days I need it the most.  Today, I think the most striking realization was the number of people who work tirelessly to support those with T1D and the p

Y'all, where did October go? I have successfully watched   Halloweentown  and  Hocus   Pocus  to the point I don't even need to have it on because I can see it in my mind. Both are masterpieces.  I unintentionally avoided another down in the dumps week. How? I didn't pick up my diabetes supplies! My last post wasn't exactly me. I was so sad about life and I've noticed a trend of this is happening every couple of months. Thank you to all my friends and family for reaching out to me. I forgot I am not alone, your love helped me process why this may be going on. I figured out this most recent time started when I went to the pharmacy to get more testing strips. I live in a small town, but there is still a waiting period while in the car line at  CVS . When I go to the pharmacy, I'm usually alone with my thoughts because for whatever reason Jake isn't with me. Sometimes, I find gratitude for the ability to get the supplies. Other times, I play som

It has been a minute since my last post. I thought about hiding behind a new recipe, giving the world the perfection it desires, in the form of a prepared dish and Instagram filter, but I am in a funk. I'm sad, hurting, pretty much every adjective on an antidepressant commercial. When I started this blog, I asked you to follow me on the good days and bad. Unfortunately, I've been riding on bad days for a few weeks now. I am struggling and wondering, why am I not choosing happiness? Why am I not more thankful? Why did this happen to me? You know, all the self indulgent questions that make me cringe while writing them out.  So being a doer, who loves control, I went to Amazon to buy some books. I think in all this sadness and loss of interest in life, I was actually at a pivotal moment, I was ready to see "Chronic Illness" and "Diabetes" written on the pages of a self help book. I was no longer buying books about spirituality or God throughout the cent

Y'all, I did it. I traveled to another country, diabetes and all. I gave up trying to hide my pump and just wore it on my shoulder.  Let me rewind a little and tell you about my friend, Chelsea. You know the person that never knows a stranger? Well that is my friend, Chels. Chelsea and Alex just got married in Cabo and it was such a fun weekend. At the beginning of my diabetes journey, I reached out to Chelsea and asked her about starting a blog. Chels had a successful fashion blog in college, and she knew the ins and outs. She encouraged me to go for it, so I took the plunge. I'm so glad I did.  Well fast forward a few months and Chelsea and Alex announced they were getting married. Yay!! The wedding would be in Cabo San Lucas. I was so excited for them, and for the opportunity to be a part of their wedding. Then that crushing fear of "how do I travel with this chronic illness" hit.  To say I didn't want to back out several times would be a lie, but you know what

What a week it has been! I never thought I'd say "happy first day of school" again. I've learned more in these past couple of weeks than I have in awhile. 1. On the first day back from summer break, don't put on mascara until after goodbyes are said to Jake....oh the tears! Being a working mom, no matter how much I love my job, is hard. When I leave Jake in the mornings, my heart is always going to break a little.  2. Teachers are amazing. I've always known that teachers put in a lot of time BUT they put in more than just work hours. They really care for their students. Not only that, they can remember student's names like bosses. I'm jealous of that notion, too. 3. I'm so inspired by students who live with chronic illness and the way they LIVE. I sometimes (always) consume myself with numbers and trends. I put on my diabetes goggles and that is all I see. However, this past week , I  listened to my body more and looked at those numbers

I don't think it has quite sunk in that one branch of my nursing journey is coming to a close. For almost five years, I have worked in the hospital setting. It hasn't always been easy, but it is a time in my life, I will always hold close to my heart. I had the opportunity to take care of America's veterans, athletes, and people from all walks of life. While chatting with my patients during nursing care, I have seen the world through their eyes and learned so many life lessons. Being a bedside nurse is so much more than following orders and passing medications. I will miss it so much.  In nursing school, I had the opportunity to follow a school nurse. I quietly fell in love with the job, but knew I first wanted to pursue bedside nursing.  Diabetes has encouraged me to take avenues I would have never dreamt of. It has simultaneously made me fearful and fearless. Recently, that quiet voice in my heart started getting louder and louder. One day, after a Google search,

The past couple of nights haven't gone so well. Last night, I even had two lows. Before, I would eat a glucose tab or two, surf Facebook and silently pity myself. That was before Beyond Type 1 came out with an app that is basically what would happen if Twitter and Instagram had a baby and that baby just happen to have T1D. This app is world wide and beyond amazing. Last night, while I "patiently" waited for my blood sugar to go up, I was immediately connected with more than one person experiencing the very same thing! Sure, I got frustrated and said a few choice words, especially when my dexcom sounded the alarm for another blood sugar in the 50's but I wasn't alone. Now that I have had some time to reflect, I realize just how many people from all over the world, I have met. Sometimes I fear diabetes will chain me down to my comfort zone, but with this app, I get a glimpse at just how large and beautiful this world is. How can you not get a bit of wanderlust,

Well today was the ever dreaded doctor's appointment. However, all that stress and worry was in vain. I lowered my A1C to 6.0!! However, my cholesterol went up a smidge, so I pretty much need to lay off the cheese. Sad day. Cheese is my life, no carbs, no problems... Warning: A little sappiness up ahead :)  On June 11th, Osman and I will be celebrating our 5th Wedding Anniversary!!! We both came from diverse backgrounds and chose to be married by a Jewish judge who specialized in interfaith/intercultural weddings. Osman and I wrote our ceremony, and for us, it was perfect. I remember, just for good measure, we both put in the line "in sickness and health." I thought this wouldn't be needed until we were old and having a knee replacements. Never in a million years did I think we would spend this past year navigating the murky waters of chronic illness.  That being said, the man I married has far surpassed the promises he vowed on our wedding day. His patience and forgi

I had to get my labs drawn this morning. It encompassed a whole plethera of tests with lots and lots of numbers and ranges. For three months, I can kind of pretend I am not sick and some days, it is so nice.  For me, I treat this new normal as though it is not a complicated, chronic illness. Sure, I have to take more time to do things. I have to plan and then plan some more. At the end of the day, I just don't want to be an illness. So having to go to the doctor and be "graded" on how well I am handling life, just sucks. That being said, my doctor is awesome and never makes me feel that way, this is all me.  So here I sit and play the world's smallest violin, in a puddle of self woe. I don't even know if my numbers are bad or good, I just don't want to be numbers anymore.  And then I spilled my entire cup of Jittery Joe's Coffee. Everywhere. What an ever so embarrassing mess. I went up to the counter and asked for some paper towels and in turn, the barista

Y'all, I wanted to share with you the Zucchini slicer my husband happened upon on Amazon. It is life changing. WE CAN MAKE SPAGHETTI AGAIN aka the easiest, tastiest meal EVER. We always ate whole wheat pasta but even with the fiber and wheatiness, I still spiked more than desired, so we said goodbye to that old, faithful dinner. Or so we thought! We tried spaghetti squash but I didn't like the taste and it was a pain to have to cook the squash blah blah blah. So this slicer is amazing. All you do is take your raw, uncooked zucchini, push it through the slicer while twisting and taaaa-daaa you have your "noodles". To soften then noodles, set them aside in some olive oil with a dash of salt and pepper. So here is my review: Raves: 1. By the time you load up on the sauce and cheese, I can't even taste a difference. 2. It is So EASY and even easier than cooking noodles. 3. It leaves me feeling so much more satisfied than the BG spike and drop that pasta always

If there was a white flag, I'd be waving it. These past two weeks have not been the best. Between no sleep thanks to highs and lows and the stomach bug, it would make the strongest person cry for mommy. I had my first experience with a mind alternating low. It was around 3am and my Dexcom was buzzing away. I woke up, in true robot fashion, and took my blood sugar. I was able to muster up enough mind power to shove some glucose tabs in my mouth. However, that was about as far as my mind could reach. I just kept saying "I'm hungry, I'm hungry" over and over. I felt trapped inside myself and it was scary. I recovered, but of course, over corrected, so I was awoken yet again with a high. As I reflect on these past couple weeks, being sick didn't help, but I was also trying so hard to recreate what I felt "normal" was like. So of course this meant, not the best food choices. Being a person with T1D, I don't technically have to follow a low carb di

Yesterday, I had an honest mom moment. I always swore up and down that I would be mindful of the little moments with my son, and enjoy them. Then the shoe disappeared.  Jake, my son, doesn't talk much yet. We get by with little noises and lots of pointing. Well, I was rushing around the house getting laundry done, because Thursday is laundry day. Why is that?  I have no idea why Thursday is the magical day for laundry! I asked Jake if he wanted to go outside. To my surprise,  he let out an excited little noise and ran down the hall. I was in his room, with my head  in the depths of his dirty clothes basket, when I stood, there was Jake with his favorite shoe. I smiled at him, hands full of laundry and said "I'll put your shoe on in just a second." He looked at me, raised it up one more time and I said the same thing. He didn't seem too phased that I didn't put the shoe on, so he followed me to the laundry room. I got my precious laundry started and turned arou

Happy Spring! The weather is glorious in Georgia minus the greenish/yellow pollen that finds its way on any surface. But hey, I'll take it! One of my New Year's Resolutions was to get my fasting blood sugars down to the 110-120's. For whatever reason, I would always wake up in the 150-180's. Which any one of my nursing buddies knows, in the hospital, this wins you some sliding scale insulin! I have been very conscious of my CGM trends and adjusted my basal rates accordingly. If you haven't read the book "Pumping Insulin" by John Walsh and Ruth Roberts, you should check it out. Dr. Anthony, my endocrinologist, suggested I read it and I'm so glad we did. I say we, because Osman, my husband, read it, too. I was scrolling through pictures on my phone and came across several screen shots of my Dexcom graph when I first started wearing the pump. I guess your mind does a really good job at blocking out HIGH numbers. Thankfully for Osman, when I was so

We did it! We safely traveled half way across the country and back without any major incidences. Jacob did great for his mere 14 months of life, and I did pretty well myself. I definitely learned a thing or two. I'm thankful for the help of my husband and family, because we bit the bullet and did it. You don't know what it will be like until you try it, and like I've talked about before, I don't want to let diabetes hold me back. So for a little review of what I learned, here it is: 1. DO NOT GO THROUGH THE METAL DETECTOR!!! Unless you want to be felt up by TSA in front of a JV basketball team, in the middle of one of the busiest airports. I blush thinking about it. Basically, if you have a stroller, it gives you a free pass to the "fast" line aka, the slow line where TSA herds all the screaming babies and people who require a little more assistance. I was holding Jake, so they were trying to make our life easier by escorting me through the metal detecto

Soon, we will be traveling back to Oklahoma. 13 hours in a car with a 14 month old really isn't our idea of a good time, so we opted to fly. Cue some anxiety. Part of me wants to keep my blood sugar close to 200 so I don't have to worry about dropping, as we trek our way through the massive Atlanta Airport. However, I know this is a silly notion because I am prepared. Anywhere I go, I have my little diabetes bag with me. If I forget it, it doesn't matter how far from home I am, I'm going back to get it. I gifted myself a new bag for my 6 Month Diaversay. The contents are all vital for my sanity and management of T1D. This is what it holds:  -My trusty glucometer  -Lancets/testing strips   -Alcohol Swabs  -Starburst  -Glucose Tablets  -Protein Bar  -Glucagon Pen  -Lip Gloss -Listerine Strips (gotta have fresh breath) -Insulin Pen in case my pump fails  These are my safety nets. They stay by my bed at night and follow me on walks and to work.

Valentine's Day is quickly approaching and wouldn't it be so fitting that February 14th happens to be Valentine's Day and 6 years since Osman proposed? Look, back in the day, we were the royals of cheesy. When I read our post from 10 years ago, on Facebook's "On this Day," it makes me gag a little. I apologize for all the "sparking", as my dad so rightfully coined it, that occurred for all our friends to see on Facebook. AND February 14 is my 6 month Diaversary. As I sit and reflect on these past months, I am struck with how different I am, and how totally not okay I was with the thought of changing, but now, that is a different story. When I was officially diagnosed, I asked the question, "does diabetes define me?" The answer today is no, but it is a part of me. In August, diabetes was my worst enemy. I wanted more than anything to hate diabetes with my entire being. However, in this moment, diabetes is my friend. I decided we are stuc

First, I have to divulge in my embarrassing, online for the whole world to read, moment. I write blog posts from my phone or my iPad. Well too many electronic device options, plus thinking you saved your edited work and then submitting your roughly written piece, that was NOT edited, for the world to see....Embarrassing! Lesson learned folks, if I think I edited/checked my work enough, NOPE! Go back and quintuple check your work, Meagan! Fortunately I caught my error and was able to make some necessary adjustments, but jeez! Makes me shiver with embarrassment. 9 years ago, I was of the ever tender age of 18, and preparing to take a journey overseas. I struck a deal with my parents, that if I graduated a year early from High School, for a semester, I could study abroad in Spain. I was so excited. It had always been my dream to speak fluent Spanish and see the world. Well the day came to say, "Until we meet again America," and I was devastated. Oh teenage angst was a terr

I know Mama always said, "don't cry over spilt milk." But what happens when 2 pieces of bread, marketed for 5g of total net carbs each, makes your blood sugar spike in the 200's and stay there for awhile, multiple days I might add, because you are in denial and then it makes you cry? Guilty as charged. I'm seeing red just thinking about it. If we were to look at this symbolically, subconsciously, the bread probably represents many of the food choices I have made, that did not have the best end result. BUT COME ON! I had a whopping, grand total of 15 g of carbs and I was climbing that Dexcom graph like it was the sequel to Chocolate Buttercream Saga, except it was sub par wheat bread and totally not worth the rise.  At the end of the day, now that I'm not crying a river or seething mad, it was just a reminder that I can try my damnedest, but there are days that Diabetes is feeling snarky like I can, and it just isn't going to cooperate. It just gets old say

Hi there! I guess this is technically my first post of the New Year and January is halfway over! We hit the ground running with Jacob's first birthday and just haven't slowed down since. It is amazing, in the life of a baby, the difference a year makes. This time last year, we were getting excited over little sneezes and gas smiles and now, Jacob is cracking us up by his little mannerisms and attitude, that I surely don't know where he gets it from. This past week felt like week 1 all over again. I guess more of my pancreas peaced out because one night, I went to bed with a blood sugar of 125 and woke up with a blood sugar of 225. My site was good and my insulin was fine, but all of a sudden all my old tricks weren't working. I had to readjust all my basal rates and carb ratios and I seem to be needing almost double the insulin I was before. Don't worry, I am not pregnant. Although the thought crossed my mind. I don't foresee any siblings for Jacob in the ne