1 Drop at a Time

2020. I had high hopes for this past year. My family was recovering from the death of my father-in-law. We held onto this new year as the savior for our heartache and the chance for a fresh start. We started the new year off with a Disney Cruise. We came home, and all 3 of us fell ill. I'm talking fevers, shortness of breath, cough, and no smell. Sound familiar? I'm pretty sure we all had COVID-19.  Here we are, November 2020, and we are about to go back on lockdown. My mind cannot even comprehend the truth while I make a list of frozen meals to prepare and write a grocery list a mile long. You know what really sucks, life for our 5 year old was just beginning to feel a smidge normal. All that said, I understand the importance of staying safe and limiting exposure, but damn, it is hard.  So here I am, in the pity party realm. Our poor Jacob misses his grandparents. It's been almost a year since he has been able to see them beyond a screen. Thankfully, they are alive and wel

Jacob had his first breakdown today. Another friend's birthday was cancelled. He was excited to celebrate his friend and let's be honest and eat cake. This party was princess themed and all the girls in his class asked him to dress up as Olaf. Y'all know Jake Sheikh, he doesn't disappoint. He had me get an Olaf costume just for the occasion. Fast forward to today, I asked him if he'd like to record a video and say happy birthday to his friend. Well, his eyes filled with tears and I didn't know what to say. His words filled the void, "Mama, did another birthday get cancelled because of the virus?"  I couldn't lie, and told him yes, and he just cried. I held him and he vented his frustrations. I've been so caught up in the big picture and dangers, I forgot what the world looked like to a 5 year old. As a parent, there is a that fine line I walk of how much do I burden my child with and much do I protect him from? Jacob understands we are home t

Whew, my last  post  was a doozy but I am so glad I put it out there. I want to say thank you to everyone that reached out and checked on me. Over the weekend I was at church and a couple friends asked how I was feeling. Yet again, I felt the reminder that I am not alone. So, this week I decided to take a big leap. I've been on an anti-depressant for about 3 years now. It has been life saving and life changing. After being on it for about a month, it hit me just how anxious I had always been. Here I was taking it for depression, but I was also anxious as heck.  It was a breath of fresh air in my life and Osman's too. Go ahead, you can giggle. For a couple weeks now I've been toying with the idea of tapering off the medication. So I contacted my doctor and he worked out a taper plan. You might be wondering, why do I need to taper? For starters, you probably wouldn't want to be around me if I just stopped taking my medicine tomorrow. BUT the bigger reason is, there ca

Today was rough. I know social media allows you to show you at your best, today I was not at that baseline. So here is the back story...My Tandem tSlim pump provided this amazing update for a program called Control IQ. Overall, the update has been great, but ...why the hell does there always have to be a but ? So bear with me, this update comes with different activity settings like Sleep or Exercise . Today, I ate my protein bar like usual and went for my walk. When I say walk , I walk about 15 minute miles. Go ahead and imagine an older woman power walking--it is shamelessly me. Basically, after eating the protein bar, my blood sugar levels increased so the algorithm with the Control IQ update said "woah...we need to give you insulin to keep you in range." 1 whole damn unit was given, and I didn't realize it. Well, I'm rounding the corner and almost to my house when my Dexcom (the device that tells me what my blood sugar levels are) alerted me that my blood sugar le