Just Do It Afraid

The sun is finally shining again!! We have literally gone DAYS without any sunlight. We missed the blood moon thanks to the clouds, but thank heavens there is good ol' sunshine again. 

For the past couple of weeks I feel like I have been making a complicated electronic purchase. When in reality, I have been deciding on what insulin pump and dexcom (continuous glucose monitor) I would like to commit to. Things I have learned 

1. If you can have medical equipment processed through the pharmacy portion of your insurance, DO IT! I learned that only some medical supply companies do this and other companies can only process through the medical portion of insurance, which requires deductibles to be met etc. So instead of paying hundreds to thousands of dollars to have my pump set up, my copay contains only 1, zero!!! 
2. There are a TON of options out there. 
3. All those options can be really over whelming. 
4. I'm scared.

With all that being said, I decided on the T-Slim G4. It sounds like some fancy android phone, I know. BUT it is super cool. The insulin pump is touch screen and supposedly thinner than an iPhone 6. It is integrated with the Dexcom G4, which means my pump will have a display option that shows my blood sugars and if they are trending up or down. That is so exciting. I hate to say that I live in fear of my blood sugars, but I do. They can ruin my day. So now I feel like I will have a bit more control knowing where I am at throughout the day. I will still have to prick my fingers for fasting sugars and before and after meals but it will save me on the paranoid blood sugar checks and the "where am I right now" checks that I do a lot of times while working. I will essentially be going from 10-12 blood sugar checks to 6-8. My poor fingers are real happy about this notion. 

I believe this integrated pump is the holy grail on my diabetes quest. I want it to solve all my worries. I want to be "old Meagan" again. So that is why I am so scared, because I know that nothing is perfect and I will never be the same again. Knowing this pump will be sent out to my home within the week has given me serious stage fright. I was talking to my good friend, Angela. She was there the day I got the call that I had gestational diabetes. She was always willing to listen and offer up encouragement and still is, even though we are almost 1000 miles apart. I was talking about my insulin pump fears and she gave me some good advice. She told me about a quote she recently heard, "just do it afraid". 

That is what I am going to do. I'm still going to get this insulin pump, I am going to do it. So what if my knees knock a little and I feel more vulnerable than I did on my first day of high school? I might be afraid but at least I'm doing it. 

Now, more than ever, I really need to take it, 1 Drop at a Time. 

MJS


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