Diagnosis Day: 8/14/15



 *Some slight profanity below, sorry mom*
 
"Oh sh*t" doesn't quite capture my emotions but it comes close. I have always wondered how I might die and it sort of feels like I have been handed a quasi death sentence. I am faced with this totally manageable but tough, chronic illness and I have to make a choice, will I  be a victim or a survivor? Of course I say "SURVIVOR," with the enthusiasm of a teenage girl at a pep rally, but this is before the doctor starts talking about the number of finger sticks I  will require, managing deathly lows and highs. I'm like dang, I'm a nurse. I'm supposed to take care of people with this, not be this. But am I this? Does this illness define me? A long pause ensues in my brain, my fingers stop typing-well kind of, I'm still typing but you catch my drift. I don't know the answer to this. I don't think there is a right answer and I don't know if I will ever be able to answer that question. All I know right now is, I have to take it 1 Drop at a Time. One blood sugar reading followed by a shot of a liquid that I will forever be grateful for OR followed by a glucose tab that corrects what that beautiful liquid caused. If I didn't know what love/hate was, I sure as hell do now. 1 Drop at a Time.

MJS

Comments

  1. BrittneyAugust 18, 2015 at 11:44 AM

    Welcome to the blog world! I'm so glad you decided to document this journey. When my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer she began a blog primarily as an easy way to keep family and friends in the loop about her prognosis. However, it ended up being very therapeutic for her. I hope you find peace in writing! Sometimes when I'm having a terrible day, I'll sit down and write a blog post...by the time I hit "publish" my spirits have lifted and I feel better. I hope this has the same effect on you! Also, I laughed when I read the first line in this post, I too feel like I owe it to my mother to remain "lady like" in my writing...however, I recently read that "great artwork wouldn't be created if people cared what their parents thought." So I applaud you for keeping it real! Can't wait to follow along!

    ReplyDelete
  2. 1 Drop at a TimeAugust 18, 2015 at 6:12 PM

    Thank you so much Brittney! I am so thankful for modern technology and so many supportive people near and far. Thanks so much for sharing in this journey with me. I always enjoy reading your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownAugust 20, 2015 at 3:34 PM

    I miss you, Meagan! So glad you have this platform to document your journey with us!

    ReplyDelete
  4. 1 Drop at a TimeAugust 20, 2015 at 6:17 PM

    I was just thinking about you the other day! I miss you lots!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Silence of Chronic Illness

Image
Today was rough. I know social media allows you to show you at your best, today I was not at that baseline. So here is the back story...My Tandem tSlim pump provided this amazing update for a program called Control IQ. Overall, the update has been great, but ...why the hell does there always have to be a but ? So bear with me, this update comes with different activity settings like Sleep or Exercise . Today, I ate my protein bar like usual and went for my walk. When I say walk , I walk about 15 minute miles. Go ahead and imagine an older woman power walking--it is shamelessly me. Basically, after eating the protein bar, my blood sugar levels increased so the algorithm with the Control IQ update said "woah...we need to give you insulin to keep you in range." 1 whole damn unit was given, and I didn't realize it. Well, I'm rounding the corner and almost to my house when my Dexcom (the device that tells me what my blood sugar levels are) alerted me that my blood sugar le
Read more

Pump Life

Image
I have a pump! I know in time it will be great, but right now, it makes me feel a little uneasy and unsure. It is hard to let go and trust a little box, but technology is a wonderful thing that I am thankful for. Currently, I am working through finding the "perfect" basal rates and insulin-to-carb ratio. I'm quickly learning this isn't something that happens overnight. That being said, the t:Slim G4 is quite the device. I talked a little bit about it in my last blog, but here is some updated info. The touch screen makes it user friendly, especially in this smart phone world we live in. The pump walks you through most steps, and security measures are in place so you don't "butt bolus" on accident. T:Slim and Dexcom (continuous glucose monitoring) came together to provide an integrated system that empowers you to make better choices, thanks to the ability to see your glucose levels in real time. I didn't say blood glucose levels because the Dexcom port
Read more