Changes
You know the old saying: The only constant in life is change. Blah blah blah. Change brings so much to the table while simultaneously taking so much away. My mom always told me that no matter how good the change was, it was still hard. So in the theme of change, I thought my blog could use a change, especially since I was feeling more like myself again. I wrote a post on my phone just after the new year, right before our world started changing even more. I never got the chance to post it. So here it is:
Depression is much like the waves of an ocean. It ebbs and flows with the tides. For a while, I could repress it and blame it on the changing of the seasons, but before long it gripped my life and held a choke hold on me. I continued to go to work and be the best mom, wife and nurse as I could be. At the end of the day, that empty, bottomless feeling overtook me. I didn’t care what diabetes looked like or the the fact my blood sugars went high. It was one less low to worry about.
I don’t know why this cloud came. Depression was fickle and present. I was not me. I was the shell of Meagan or what I thought I should be. Finally after about 3 months of this, I decided it was time to talk to someone again. When I was first diagnosed with diabetes, I went to regular counseling sessions and after about a year, I felt like I could fly from the comforts of that soft couch and safe space. I did alright for awhile. However, the weight of chronic illness, the changes life brings — hell I don’t know to be exact — came tumbling down on me.
Recently, I started back in therapy. It took about a month, but the clouds started lifting. I saw the beauty in the ebb and flow of the tides again. I finally felt like myself. It had been so scary to go through the motions of life not quite knowing who I was.
So, in all this fluff and puff of words — I am back. I’m in better control of my diabetes. Life is beautiful again. I look forward to the day ahead. The shame of the cloud is gone. I hope the new year brings all the blessings and good fortune it can for you and for your family. I’m thankful for each and every one of you. I hope to live 1 Drop at a Time with an open but full heart.
2019 has brought us a lot of change in a short amount of time. I'm so glad I found myself back in therapy before life really began changing. From Jacob turning 4 and registering him for Pre-K, to losing the patriarch of the Sheikh Family, and turning 30 myself, I kind of wondered: Does life ever slow down? We are working through our grief of losing a great man, husband, Dad and Dadaji. I don't think time ever fully heals the pain, you just create a new normal and learn to embrace the ache.
Here is one of my favorite pictures from Thanksgiving 2018 of Dadaji in his Jeep with Jacob.
Depression is much like the waves of an ocean. It ebbs and flows with the tides. For a while, I could repress it and blame it on the changing of the seasons, but before long it gripped my life and held a choke hold on me. I continued to go to work and be the best mom, wife and nurse as I could be. At the end of the day, that empty, bottomless feeling overtook me. I didn’t care what diabetes looked like or the the fact my blood sugars went high. It was one less low to worry about.
I don’t know why this cloud came. Depression was fickle and present. I was not me. I was the shell of Meagan or what I thought I should be. Finally after about 3 months of this, I decided it was time to talk to someone again. When I was first diagnosed with diabetes, I went to regular counseling sessions and after about a year, I felt like I could fly from the comforts of that soft couch and safe space. I did alright for awhile. However, the weight of chronic illness, the changes life brings — hell I don’t know to be exact — came tumbling down on me.
Recently, I started back in therapy. It took about a month, but the clouds started lifting. I saw the beauty in the ebb and flow of the tides again. I finally felt like myself. It had been so scary to go through the motions of life not quite knowing who I was.
So, in all this fluff and puff of words — I am back. I’m in better control of my diabetes. Life is beautiful again. I look forward to the day ahead. The shame of the cloud is gone. I hope the new year brings all the blessings and good fortune it can for you and for your family. I’m thankful for each and every one of you. I hope to live 1 Drop at a Time with an open but full heart.
2019 has brought us a lot of change in a short amount of time. I'm so glad I found myself back in therapy before life really began changing. From Jacob turning 4 and registering him for Pre-K, to losing the patriarch of the Sheikh Family, and turning 30 myself, I kind of wondered: Does life ever slow down? We are working through our grief of losing a great man, husband, Dad and Dadaji. I don't think time ever fully heals the pain, you just create a new normal and learn to embrace the ache.
Here is one of my favorite pictures from Thanksgiving 2018 of Dadaji in his Jeep with Jacob.
I'm glad that you are feeling the weight lift a bit. I cant tell you my darkness...and then a note would come from Meagan Sheikh...I am grateful. Prayers that your clouds continue to lift and you see more sunshine Ray's than clouds. Rest, and know that you are wrapped in love. Big hugs, Meagan!
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