Perfect Imperfections

Hi all! I find that I write when the sun shines again. Yet again, Athens felt like it was going to float away but fortunately ol' sun is out and shining. Tomorrow is World Diabetes Day. I am anxiously awaiting a short film, the @thebetes created, called, #Type1Day1. It is sort of surreal because this time last year, I was pregnant and struggling with managing gestational diabetes and had no idea this community or day existed. What a difference a year makes. I'll be at work tomorrow, more than likely sharing this day with people with diabetes, but I wish everyone a day of community, and the hope that maybe one day, a cure will come.

As I reflect on this past year, I can say I have come a long way but I know I have so much to learn and live. The other day, I posted a picture on Instagram of a near perfect trend (at least for me) and I felt oddly guilty. Recently, my numbers haven't been anywhere close to that and I've been hovering around the 200's. Yuck. I hate typing that. So I decided to post a picture of a more common trend and a miscalculated lunch bolus which resulted in a not so pretty spike and lesson learned.This seemlessly small act, meant so much to me. Partly, because I wasn't going to let a bad reading define me and it made me feel authentic. I wasn't hiding my imperfections behind an Instagram filter. I felt, for once, I was the one in control of this disease, even though the number wasn't so pretty.

In this past few months, I feel as though I've stared my weaknesses and insecurities square in the face, and I haven't felt more uncomfortable in my whole life. In High School, one of my good friends introduced me to John Legend's music and I've been hooked since. I know everyone knows the song, All of Me, there is a line that says "Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections." Being diabetic, makes a self-conscious, 20-something perfectionist, even more self conscious and a little bit crazy because perfectionism and diabetes, let's just say, it can be all consuming if you allow it. Any food you put in your mouth is carefully calculated and recorded, monthly visits to the doctor result in getting on the dreaded scale (that is always AT LEAST five pounds heavier than the scale at home), and finding places to "pinch an inch" for site changes, brings a whole new light to love handles. I was letting this control my life, but slowly, this surely doesn't change overnight, I'm learning to love my imperfections both inside and out. If someone can love all of me, why can't I? 

Diabetes is teaching me compassion, not only for others, but myself. You never know the mental or physical struggles someone deals with on a daily basis. I try my best to remember this notion when I interact with others. There is a good chance someone is utilizing the "fake it till you make it" strategy but really, scared beyond words. I'm not perfect and fall short more often than not, but I'm trying my best, these days, to live all avenues of my life compassionately. I am learning to be compassionate with myself, as well, because high numbers happen, bad attitudes and pity parties, and weight fluctuations happen. I try to remember, at least they are happening. It means I'm here another day, living life, 1 Drop at a Time. 

MJS